you're that much closer to knowing me.
i kinda lost the thread too lol…found it again tho. very interesting subject, random too: not the subject itself just how you came up with it- as you kinda said at the beginning. i agree, i mean the grass is always greener on the other side- or something like that. one always wants what one doesnt have. thats just human nature i spose, and if we didnt strive for a better existence, society wouldnt rele end up newhere. nothing is ever perfect (says the virgo reluctantly ;))as for optimism/general naivety: the outcome of something is only as bad as you make/see it. i guess were just extremely lucky that our society allows us to realise almost anything we want (and youre extremely lucky that your ib went ok:P)- as you say *so long as a thought is spared for those who are less fortunate* keep striving is what i say- good job:)x x x
Anonymous,
December 30, 2005 7:31 AM
Great piece of work! I don't think you're the only one who realises, what you've just realised. At some point it will hit us all that we are ignorant for the consequences of our actions. The question is only whether you should do something with this. Because constantly considering all consequences and planning ahead will make you miss out on what's here now. Planning the future can be valuable, but it are usually unplanned moments that will last with you for a lifetime. I wish you all the best for the new year and may your wishes come true! Kim
Anonymous,
December 30, 2005 8:15 AM
I just read this, two days or so after posting similar thoughts -
dancing chaos,
January 08, 2006 6:55 PM
I have thought and acted exactly the opposite way 2u.N as a result I fucked up my IB n oda things in life too...so I guess ur theory must work.Its jst sad 2realise NOW how I messed things up by being 'Ms.Righty',spending so much time working on things n worrying bout them, hoping to do my best n get a positive outcome n in the end it's useless...got me nowhere near my goals! This has really changed the way I approach everything from them moment I came to that simple realisation.Can u believe that now I'm jst going with the flow n being a sortof Bad kid\ lol Believe it or not it's true n I feel lost, not knowing which path to take n not maneging 2etablish a balance... neways,miss u...take care!
Anonymous,
January 09, 2006 5:14 AM
you're that much closer to knowing me.
hahaha its true! bloody sheep. thank you :) <3
Anonymous,
December 25, 2005 5:19 AM
you're that much closer to knowing me.
i took a walk today
you're that much closer to knowing me.
how odd that you should mention Morocco - my head has been there for the past few days, as I hike the snow piles that make my walk to school into an obstacle course.
dancing chaos,
December 20, 2005 8:48 PM
i love this blog =)
Anonymous,
December 21, 2005 7:17 AM
you're that much closer to knowing me.
no doubt you know the benefits of sibling rivalry but as a proper only child- born and raised- not a part-timer, like you ;)-i can assure you that there really is nothing to feel sorry for- i know ive said it before- but we dont know any different- ignorance is bliss, right? maybe it would have been nice to have had a sibling, but i have something as good, if not better; so many amazing friends, some of whom have been like sisters/brothers to me- you know who you are(if you happen to stumble across this remarkble site lol) i cant thank them enough. and as long as you are surrounded by the people who love you, what more can you ask? and there are benefits- you should take tim's fudge into account;)and dont feel lonely- absence makes the heart grow fonder- man i rele am full of it today!! just remember to have an even better time when theyre around:)
Anonymous,
December 20, 2005 3:53 AM
Hi geertje.
Anonymous,
December 22, 2005 1:00 PM
you're that much closer to knowing me.
come visit, leave your two cents. As for me, I think that we are all just looking too far behind or too far ahead, to what could have been and what we want to be... rather than basking in the glory of now.
and no, I haven't been wathicng Oprah recently. I promise.
As for our actions... einmal ist keinmal, yo.. unless of course your 'once' involves killing a man or something.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
I woke up this afternoon and it hit me. Boom, it's Christmas eve.
I liked getting that vibe. It reminded me of when I was ickle. It only lasted a second, but it was great. Like a line of coke, I would imagine.
Once I'd gotten out of bed and some water to sip (the only way to avoid a hangover) I had to start wrapping all the shit I bought and I got back into my 'Christ Almighty, there's a lot of annoying shit you have to do to get to Christmas' mood. First of all, I don't think paper was ever intended to be bent, folded or sello-taped. When the Chinese (or whoever) made it, I think it was really supposed to be left flat. And, of course, rolled into cigarettes and other smoking paraphernalia.
I was going to go on, but that's the end of my Christmas ranting. It's my favourite holiday, my favourite day, even above my birthday (which gets crapper every year). Unfortunately, some people I know have their birthdays on Christmas day, which no doubt completely overshadows their special day. Not only do you only get presents once a year, but nobody ever seems to think of you and it's very doubtful that you'll be going out for drinks with them. I had to deal with a dying grandfather on my birthday, but that was only once. Some people have to deal with Christmas all their lives.
And so, I would like to let everyone know that tomorrow is Noelle's birthday. She is turning 17. Happy Birthday, my dear. The whole country has decorated itself for you. Ignore the stupid Christians and their pagan holidays. They know not why I am merry. I am merry for you.
For the first time, I looked at the all presents I had bought for people and I thought, wow, this is pretty nice. My jewish and dutch blood, of course, also had me thinking 'jesus I spent a lot of money', but I drowned that out with Radiohead (a must for the Christmas season). I think I've done well this year, and I hope people like what they're getting. Even when I spent tiny amounts of money (and I do mean tiny) I think I really hit the 'thought that counts' nail on the head, and not in the cynical way.
Because Christmas really isn't about the presents you get. Sure, it's very nice to know that I'm going to be getting a lot of very nice stuff completely free (made extra nice by the fact that now I have to pay for everything myself), but the best part is having a great excuse to do nothing all day, apart from eat and drink.
Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday, Noelle.
the real christmas x
Thursday, December 22, 2005
As we count down the days to Christmas, the amount of chocolate in our advent calendars goes down and the numbers on the bathroom scale shoot up. Most people I know are looking forward to Christmas; for the gifts, the food, and of course, my Christmas blog.
But first, I have to address the issue of the pre-Christmas season. I think it's the months preceding Christmas that turn a lot of people off the holiday mood. The main reason is that there are literally months of pre-Christmas. I think the moment you look out your window and see Christmas decorations being put up in early November, it's a step closer to turning into the Grinch. Every time you hear a pre-emptive Christmas pop-song, an elf dies in the north pole.
To me, I start every Christmas season (ie, the day after Hallowe'en) slightly excited, and since this was the first year where I had money to spend on people, I was looking forward to getting nice things for everyone.
But then I started working at freeport, where the soundtrack, day in, day out, since November, is nothing but international Christmas songs. It was slightly annoying at first, but by the 4th day of it, the annoyance had escalated to the point where I wanted to sneak into the winter-wonderland diorama that they had set up wearing a ski mast and plant some sort of explosive device that activates to the sound of reindeer-hooves.
Then there's the walking, the endless walking, in shopping areas to try and find something for everyone. Then there's the walking back to the car. Then there's the walking back to get stuff for the people you forgot. Then there's the other days that you spend in exactly that way. Worse of all, one of those 'shopping areas' that I spent time in was CascaiShopping. Now, let me be clear on this point: I fucking hate fucking Cascais-fucking-Shopping. Fuck, I hate it so much. I worked there one summer, and I truly came to understand what a concrete tomb it was. I hate it, I hate it above all else.
But with all this negative, horrible, painful imagery and deed, there are in fact a couple up-sides to this time of year. First of all, as banal as it is, the weather is pretty fantastic for this time of year. I can go out without having to wear a sweater, which is great because I don't really own any good ones. Second, as my refrain, family and friends start coming home from their far corners, and it's nice to have them around. And best of all, the anticipation of all the cool shit you're about to get for free.
I think that for a lot of people, the hardest thing is coming to terms about how much Christmas has changed since we were all little kids. The celebration and decoration might be exactly the same, but the excitement that we felt years ago has significantly diminished, and I think I know why.
We know that nobody is going to buy us Lego, this year.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
This afternoon, my grandmother decided to go for a walk, and I decided to tag along.
She asked me, "How long have you lived here?"
nearly 10 years. 10 years in Areia, my hood, my ghetto, my home.
It was a real pleasure taking her around, showing her my favourite places nearby.
My favourite spot in the area happens to be pretty much right behind my house. Living on the edge of the town, I have a near-unobstructed view of the Sintra Mountains and Atlantic Ocean. Behind our house is a field, and at the end of that field is a small clearing, covered by an overhanging tree. It's like something out of a book.
I've lived here for ten years, so I've become very accustomed to the area and the view, and I begin to forget what an amazingly beautiful country I live in. All it takes to remind me is a second set of eyes. A new perspective.
I remember when I was in Morocco, the people around me were marvelling at the brilliant coastline. I, on the other hand, felt very comfortable with it. "You know," I told them, "this is just like the coastline down the road from my house."
That was a moment where I remembered why I love living here.
Today, showing my grandmother around, I was again reminded. In the country club across the street, we walked past the tennis courts, where Lennard used to play. Further down are the stables, where Tim used to ride. To the side are the dunes, where we would walk the dogs, and where they're currently buried. Sometimes zack and I go to the dunes, find the largest one, and sit on it just to soak up our surroundings. The whole town is steeped in our family history. There are a thousand stories, just a few steps away.
Tomorrow is the shortest day of the year, and the beginning of winter. Today was sunny, and warm enough so that I could be out in just a jacket and t-shirt. I can hear the ocean from my room.
It's a terrific home.
You really COULDN'T get over Portugal in Morocco. I remember the bus trips to, from and within Tiznit and how you just wouldn't stop talkign about it.
I'll most definitely drop by - I want to leave my mark on your little corner of the world!
I [heart] coastlines!!!
steph
Monday, December 19, 2005
From the moment I was born, I was the youngest of four children. That meant that, throughout my growing up, I was subject to all manner of child abuse at their hands. If that wasn't fun enough, I was often beaten (though, cleverly on their part, never to the extent that there was physical evidence). I never really got along with them that well; that is, until they started leaving.
In most sibling relationships, I'm sure, there is a lot of tension and (frankly) child abuse. However, these childish antics end with (tadaa) childhood. As we (by which I mean 'I') aged, we spent less time trying to piss each other off, and started to get along. Because I was (and remain) the youngest, I was the last to reach the age where I could actually be friends with my brothers and appreciate their company.
I never really got the chance with Tim, the eldest, since he left when I was 13. Thankfully, he's been coming home a lot (to help me with my love life. status: i'm very single and very lonely. thanks tim) and we've been able to meet each other as quasi-adults (I more than he) and we now get along very well.
Lennard and I, being closer in age and the fact that he stayed a year longer than tim, got along quite well during his gap year, but I haven't seen him nearly as often, because he's broke (acting) while tim is raking in the pounds (mostly in his thighs).
Thomas is only a year and a bit older than me, and in the last two years (and very much so during my gap year) we'd been getting on very well. And then he left. At last, I was finally an only child.
No more being peed on, right? No more getting the smallest portions at dinner, right? No more being lifted by my underwear until it rips, right?
Well, right. Unfortunately, it also means having nobody in the house. It means no more sharing illegal copies of movies. It means no more laughing about arm-length gloves and Tim's expertise in pleasuring mares (and men).
It sucks being an only child. I feel sorry for anyone who was born that way. Tim tells me there are benefits, but he's full of fudge. Packed, really.
Now with the Christmas season around the corner, I get some of my family back, and I'm very happy to have them. We get along better than ever, and now both Tim and Thomas can drive, I no longer need to worry about taxis. But I'm still so lonely, thanks to the wonders of alcohol-based-judgement. Merry Nearly Christmas.
merry nearly christmas to you too lovely
x x x
p.s. why did you post this twice? hehe
Touching story you wrote here. You're right, the relationship with siblings is something beautiful and often underappreciated. Taking your family and friends for granted, can make you dwell on small things and sometimes forget how much you actually need them. Being the older child, I've never been left 'alone'. I chose to be on my own. But even though it might sometimes be tough for you to be on your own, it's also not easy to leave someone alone. Knowing that your not going to have your brother or sister around everyday, can be hard. But you realize that it is a choice you have to make. Because one day you are all going to flee your nest and you might as well be the first one to go.
Keep up the lovely writing and enjoy every bit of your family time with christmas,
xx Kim
Sunday, December 18, 2005
For the past several months (before and after I started writing) I've been working as a servente on construction sites. As servente, it is my job to do whatever isn't part of somebody else's job. That involves sweeping, painting pipes, unloading and carrying materials, and, my favourites, chipping glue off the floor with a hammer and spatula and then cleaning glue off floor-tiles with acid. My gloves have literally disintegrated.
However, thanks to this 'experience', as it shall hereafter be referred to, I have been able to discover things about myself that I had previously never suspected or never confirmed. I found out that I like to sweep, especially when the alternative is carrying 25kg bags of cement up stairs. I found that a soup and sandwich lunch can quickly become tedious. I found out that my portuguese is, in fact, terrible.
Most of all, I have discovered that I have a split personality. Fortunately, this isn't a random thing and you can be pretty sure which of me you'll meet. The most common and well known (and respected and loved and admired and cherished and fantastic) is normal-geert. Do not let this misnomer confuse you; there is very little normal about normal-geert. The prefix is just to differentiate him from the other: portuguese-geert. Unlike normal-geert, portuguese-geert is rather reserved, due to the aformentioned fact that he can barely string together a sentence. He is also pretty stupid, because most of the sentences that do get out are simple or confusing. Whereas normal-geert likes to talk to people and (hopefully) be interesting, portuguese-geert would much rather be left alone.
I don't like portuguese-geert.
But the job was good. The pay was decent, coupled with 50+ hour weeks, so I was making decent money, and it meant I could afford to enjoy myself on the weekends. It gives shape to my day, but results in me spending a total of zero daylight hours at home during the week. Best part is how macho it has made me, deep down inside.